A serial shaggers guide to internet dating

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To look more put together, try dark jeans, a slim-collar shirt, and a well-tailored suit jacket in gray—it reads more casual than black, less preppy than navy."Davidson: "If your pals are on Facebook or Instagram, there's probably some photos of you on there that you like, and you won't look as if you're posing or trying too hard."Displaying your guts by completing questions like "On a typical Friday night I am..." and "I'm really good at..." will make you feel self-conscious and absurd— and that's normal.

Relax, don't overthink it, and remember that what you're putting up is the equivalent of first-date banter.

A woman who wants to stay up all night smoking Gauloises and talking about Keats."Is actually looking for: A woman who will listen to him talk all night. Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.

Wouldn't this same sentiment—"I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me"—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? Davidson: "A selfie with your dog in the park might work—you look like a real person.

I have AMAZING friends who love to ski and drink too much Chablis!

I have a CRAZY job and travel ALL THE TIME: Little Rock, Reno, Raleigh... Sometimes I think I should slow down, because I just wanna live in the moment. ""I'm an ambitious 36-year-old with a high-profile job. Sorry, couch potatoes and guys making less than 6K.

I think that about covers it.""Hello I am funs human from Romania. I LIVE IN MOMENT."_—Drew Magary _No pressure, but that first message is as do-or-die as it gets in online dating. "We've found that subtle self-deprecation works great," says Langston, "and that a joke works out terribly." Mention a common interest from her profile—we both like skiing! Compliment her ironic Kanye shades, sure— just not any part of her actual body._—Julianne Smolinski _You want to suck the air out of a potential first date?"The first thing people notice about him: "It's so weird—people ALWAYS tell me I look like Jake Gyllenhaal, but I don't see it. "Says his defining trait is: "Loyalty."His actual defining trait: Calls everyone "Son."Says his deepest fear is: "Sharks!!! You might be him if: You've practiced making your pecs bounce. Says he can't live without: "My guitar, summer-weight scarves, Jeff Buckley's last album, my demons."His first message: A 1,200-word letter noting his darkest fears ("dying alone") and why he hates Starbucks ("cocky baristas"). Like, WAY underemployed."Says he's looking for: "A chill girl who likes watching movies and laying low."Is actually looking for: A chill girl who likes watching movies and laying low. Favorite movies and TV shows: You can and should be a nice, funny guy when online dating.About him: "I'm a dreamer, plain and simple."Says he's looking for: "My muse, my Helen of Troy. You might be him if: "This is embarrassing, but I sobbed during About him: "I'm not like all those uptight douches with their snoozy banker jobs and lame date plans."Says he's looking for: "No more boring girls! Says his motto is: "I work hard so I can play hard."What he actually means: "I spend Friday nights doing vodka shots and watching porn until I pass out."His first message: "You into mavericks? You might be him if: You've ever done a magic trick at a bar. Just don't be Nice Guy Randy22 or Comic Mitch37._ Show, don't tell_, as a brothel madam maybe said once. It's boring, but dating-site handles aren't eligible for the Pulitzer.I run marathons on Saturdays and triathlons on Sundays. DON' T WASTE MY TIME.""Here goes nothing: I'm a 29-year-old gal who just moved from Boston.I have a job that sucks, but I won't bitch about it too much.

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