Giving out your phone number and online dating
Is it better to speak up even if you have nothing meaningful to say? I learned that none of those things mattered because this is a human problem that shouldn’t be impacted by my relationships with women. And it forced me to think: Are my female Facebook friends taking my silence as a lack of sympathy?I scrolled through my News Feed and read through the names. The bad guys — the ones who think it’s okay to routinely force themselves upon women — are sociopaths who are impervious to this type of discussion. What men don’t realize is that sexual assault DOES directly impact them. I can be more sympathetic, understanding and vigilant. This isn’t an easy conversation, but if you want men to actively fight sexual harassment, try not to attack the ones who are openly wrestling with our role in the problem. So if we’re being honest, what can an average guy — your accountant, your handyman, your brother – do to stop sexual assault? You can’t “make” men talk to each other about this, any more than Starbucks made us conduct coffee-house conversations with its “Race Together” hashtag.“As a teacher with some experience of college men, I’d say that a large problem with focusing social change efforts on men is that the men most likely to be assholes to women are precisely the ones most likely to resist being enlightened.”Sadly, she’s right. Is it any surprise that the 94% of men who don’t commit sexual assault also don’t spend much time thinking about sexual assault? I can’t change my past, but I can change my perspective.If other men, however, shun his behavior as well, the intimidation factor to the perpetrator becomes much greater.At the very least, it takes away the feeling that other men are “on his side”, or support his behavior (silence can often be misinterpreted as support).If men openly declare no tolerance, then he will know he also loses the respect and support of his own gender if he behaves a certain way (commits the crime). Men will always pose a greater physical threat to other men than women do.Once a perpetrator has to worry not only about his victim, but about other men as well, he is likely to think twice (at least in the case of harassment).
I see nothing wrong with a man letting out a quick whistle, and telling a woman that she is one beautiful woman – as long as that’s where it ends. Same when men make quick remarks about how hot a woman is to each other. And it also depends on how quickly it is dismissed, and how far it goes.
Not only will he feel like an outcast even among his own gender, he is aware that he will face confrontation (not necessarily just physical, but in general) with his own gender.
Think about it – if any man who contemplates so much as harassment (from a man in a high position in an office to the dude at the bar) will fully know he will be confronted by a group of other men if anyone gets wind of his behavior, do you not think it would make a difference?
If all those men, however, would tell him that was a little over the top and rather uncalled-for, he was just knocked down a few notches by his own peers. Oftentimes, men who commit those crimes are not necessarily the most physically powerful.
When it comes to cat-calls and remarks in general, it is often not the fact that they were done at all, but the way things were said.