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Their concerns can center also on their mother’s possessions, such as jewelry or furs, and any other items they may consider valuable.

“That woman is just interested in your money,” or” Why do you want to spend all of your money on her? I’m sure you can think of other zingers that can be thrown at the widower.

The second night they ever spent apart (after an overnight business trip she took in the 1980s), in thirty-four years of marriage, was when she was in the hospital recovering from the first surgery.

They would go on to spend more nights apart, as she had additional surgical procedures, and then, sadly, as she went home for the last time, under hospice care, and a hospital bed was brought in.

Adult children may fear losing a portion or all of an inheritance.

Even more than the symbolism of the thing, it was just an awful bed: thin, hard mattress, and so narrow; horrible metal rails on both sides. It’s not like I want him to sit home and mourn Mom for the rest of his days.

And of course their good sheets didn’t fit on it, so we had to use some old half-polyester ones dredged up from the back of the linen closet. Or even a minute longer than he “needs” to (however one figures such a thing). My auntie and my sister-in-law and I took the things we wanted, and could use; the rest…can go away. And we’ve kept plenty of mementos to tangibly remember her with.

“No one lives close enough anyway.”“Well let me know how it goes! The next time we talked, he’d actually sent a message to a woman. But the time after that…he’d struck up a correspondence with a woman in a nearby town, and they’d agreed to meet for coffee.“My stepdad is dating again! ” they said, and “Good for him,” and “That’s what men do.”I’m not privy to all the details — and I wouldn’t share them here even if I were; it’s his story, not mine — but there soon came a point where the word “girlfriend” was used.

D., a retired clinical psychologist, was an Adjunct Associate Professor of Psychology at Monroe County Community College, Nazareth College and the University of Rochester. Kissel has authored five psychology books and conducted workshops throughout the United States.

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